The Proust Questionnaire

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
-Seamlessness

2. What is your greatest fear?

-Being hit in the head
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
-Laziness

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
-Lack of humility

5. Which living person do you most admire?

-Barack Obama

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

-Dining out and cocktails

7. What is your current state of mind?

-Bemused by stupidity
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

-Charity
9. On what occasion do you lie?
-To protect the innocent

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
-My growing midsection

11. Which living person do you most despise?
-Everyone currently running for the President of the United States

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

-Charm
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

-Charm
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

-“like” and “fuck”
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

-Pursuing happiness with my partner
16. When and where were you happiest?

-When I went skydiving in Australia
17. Which talent would you most like to have?

-To play the piano
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

-My age

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

-Driving across the Rocky Mountains in a 15 foot truck with a car in tow
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

-An astronaut
21. Where would you most like to live?

-500 years into the future
22. What is your most treasured possession?

-My nipple rings and tattoos
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

-Homelessness
24. What is your favorite occupation?

-Being seated at a bar and having someone pour a drink for me.
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
-A tiny hint of dandyism

26. What do you most value in your friends?

-Companionship
27. Who are your favorite writers?

James Joyce, Joyce Carol Oates, Frank Herbert, and John Fowles
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
-Auntie Mame

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
-I don’t know.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?
-Innocent bystanders

31. What are your favorite names?

-Prada, Hermès, and Chanel

32. What is it that you most dislike?
-Religious and political idealogues

33. What is your greatest regret?
-That I didn’t learn to play the piano.

34. How would you like to die?
-Without pain

35. What is your motto?

-Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!